We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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