I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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