I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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