I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
