that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
