one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My breasts were aching with rage.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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