The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
