I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ladies don't puke and tell
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
