Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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