WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
