just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
