Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
