Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
