my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
