I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
