brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
