I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
