oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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