I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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