Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
