I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
