he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
