For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
do herpes really smell.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
