Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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