He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
