He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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