What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
