you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
