My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
