Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
