I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You can't motorboat a personality
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
