And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
