She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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