I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
