Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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