Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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