fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't deserve a penis
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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