so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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