3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
