I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
