Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
