glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think i have two assholes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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