College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
