they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
