What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
