What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
