when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
