I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He did a backflip because drugs
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