So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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