so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
