dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
a search helicopter?!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
