I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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