Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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