i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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