In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
