I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
